When I can't sleep at night, I lay there sometimes and think of things I want to blog about....is that a problem?? lol. Well, whether or not it is, that's what I do. And last night was no exception.
I started thinking about being a mom and how quickly my life adapted to being one. I've always known I wanted to be a Mommy. I'm the oldest of four girls, and was at least 4 years older than the next, so of course, I LOVED helping my Mom with each of them when they were little.
When I was thirteen, I started babysitting because I just loved having little ones to take care of. Once I was in my early 20's, I was in a serious relationship, with the hubs. At this point in life, you and your partner and friends start talking (more seriously) about life- marriage, kids, how many kids etc. I get married and then the next topic is babies. It's fun to talk about with the girlfriends and husband, but of course, "NO! We are nowhere ready for that commitment. We'll just enjoy everyone else's for now :)"
Then one day, whether or not you plan it...it happens...you're pregnant! My time had come! It's a crazy feeling, mixed with excitement, nervousness, anxiousness, and curiosity. You really have no idea what you're in for. The weird thing for me was even though I saw my belly grow, it still never really felt "real". As I got further along, all these questions started floating around my head, if I nurse "how will I know if the baby gets enough", "how will I know how often to feed her" and "how am I going to get her on a schedule? Will she do it on her own or will I have to?" I start asking family and friends for their advice, storing it away for later.
"D Day" arrives and it's time for baby. HOLY COW!! Funny thing, even sitting in the hospital bed hooked up to monitors and an IV, I STILL did not feel like it was real. (Those darn contractions sure did feel real though!) I've watched a Baby Story on TLC for years, and finally being in that situation personally, felt kind of weird. Once Peyton made her debut and I was holding her, nothing else mattered anymore.
Here I sit, five months later. FIVE months later. That sounds both like such a short time and such a while. I cannot believe that I have been a Mommy for five months. I can't believe I've only been a Mommy for five months. I feel so experienced. I was thinking about all the things you get so nervous about right before the baby comes, all of the questions I had, wondering if I would be able to do this or that.....looking back, it just all came naturally. Breastfeeding was quite a feat for me, but overall has gone well. I worried about Peyton sleeping patterns and her nap times...that all worked out just fine. All of the little worries and questions just kind of answered themselves and they came and went.
That, right there, is how I know I was meant to be a Mommy. I'm not an emotional person, Austin can attest to that (ha) but having Peyton has tweaked that, a little. When she wakes up in the middle of the night and I go in and scoop her up, and she reaches her little hand up to stroke the side of my face as I rock her....((melts my heart)) How can I not tear up?? I am so thankful that God has allowed me to mother such a precious little one. It is such an honor!!
Thank you Jesus for making me a Mommy!! ♥